Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
