i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
