What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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