i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
