i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
