that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
