i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You ruined the universe
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
