What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
