the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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