I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
