My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
