Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
pop tarts are not kleenex
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
