You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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