i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
