My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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