On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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