How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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