he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
