:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
