Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My vagina just recognized that song.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
