I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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