My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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