I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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