Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
