i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
