Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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