i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
