ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
