My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
