i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Someone shattered a urinal.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
