Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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