i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
