Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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