In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
