Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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