i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
