if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
