First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
