I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
