he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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