It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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