Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
