Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
