Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
