So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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