Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
