They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
