A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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