Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
