I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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