yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
