pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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