Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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