Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize