if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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