Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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