I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
