This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
