if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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