Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
