Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
