would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
