...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
