i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
