We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
