Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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