just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
