hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
