First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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