hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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