Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When are your genitals available?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
