I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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